Green with Envy

$up,
The past couple of days have been filled with thoughts of confusion and denial. A couple of days ago I had a lecture on this personal essay that we are required to write and our tutor showed us this U shaped curve with emotions written on different places of the curve. She went on to explain that these are the feelings that you feel whenever something happens in your life. Not everything makes you feel that way, but I guess just big things that can really shock your system or smaller things that are hard for your mind to grasp. At the top of the left hand side of the U shape was labeled "shock" and just bellow that was "denial" followed by "confusion" and at the bottom of the U shape was "depression/a turning point". On the upswing of the U was "acceptance" followed by "experimentation" and at the top of the right side was "adjustment".

It was one of those weird experiences where you feel like your in the right place at the right time. I felt like I was learning stuff that was actually really relevant to what was happening in my life for the past week. I think since I have moved I have definitely experienced all of the left side of that U. I have not managed to break on through to the other side though. I have really positive days where I feel like things are going really well and I am starting to be alright with living here but then I have extreme lows in the following days which makes me wonder if I am actually being positive or if I am just in denial.
I know it sounds really over dramatic, and a little spoiled. I mean I am living in London and I am going to college here to study what I really want. That is such an incredible opportunity that not very many people get to take, and I am here taking it. Why do I feel so shitty?

I don't want to kid myself, I am having some struggles with a lot of aspects of life right now. School is pretty challenging, but that is just going to make me a stronger designer and artist. I think I am having more personal problems which a lot of people my age, or just people going to college are having. When you go to college it can be really difficult to meet people that you get on with. Friendship is a beautiful thing and I think we can all remember a time where we have had friends or being really close with certain people but memory makes it seem like friendship is something that is instantaneous and all though we would all like it to be that way, that is not the case. I have never had so much difficulty making friends before I moved here and I think that is something that is really hindering my experience in London which makes me sad.

I had the thought yesterday of giving up. I just couldn't really see the point because I was so unhappy and the loneliness was starting to eat away at me. I think being on your own is really powerful because you can find out a lot about yourself, but sometimes you might not like what you find out. Since I have moved here I have found myself second guessing my actions a lot more than I normally would and it has been... annoying. I have always had a really good idea of the kind of person I am and to have myself challenge everything I thought I knew is really unsettling.

Well... The first half of this was very depressing and maybe a little overly honest for the internet, but it was just something that I needed to get off my chest. I like it when people can see and understand one another's insecurities because it reminds us that we are all human. I am not ashamed that I have insecurities because I am a young woman and it's only natural. It really takes courage to admit when and why someone is sad and for whatever reason a lot of us are afraid to do this. Granted this is over the internet so it may be a lot easier to tell everyone whats going on, but even taking the step to tell people is saying something. I want to encourage everyone to acknowledge the hardships that they have and to not bottle up these feelings, because letting them out can bring so much relief and it can allow others to understand more about who you are. I think that is pretty important.

I have a feeling that things are really going to be changing sometime soon, in a good way. I have a lot of work coming in the next few weeks, but once it is finished or even just in the process, things are really going to be looking up.



So I dyed my hair green a couple of days ago. What do you all think? At first it was way to "electric" it made me feel a little uncomfortable, but it washed out a little bit and I actually think it's really cute.

The last thing I want to talk about it music. I was wondering what you (my readers) listen to. I have been in a rut with my music lately and I'd love to listen to some new stuff. Please send me your favorite stuff, I'd love to take a listen!

Parisian Ponytail

Pants/ Portabello Market, Shoes/ Etsy, Sweater/ Borrowed, Longer Sweater/ Burbank Vintage, Head Scarf/ Portabello Market

$up,
The past couple of weeks the weather in London has really taken a dive and it is only going to get worse... (insert worried emoji). It makes me look forward to going back home for winter break, and I was already really looking forward to it. It's actually really strange how much I am looking forward to winter break. I don't really remember feeling that way the last time I went away, but then again I guess I wasn't really that far to begin with.

I am so excited to see my family, I miss them dearly. I wish that I could come back for thanksgiving because it's my favorite holiday, but of course they don't celebrate that in England. A lot of English people don't even know what it is (or at least some of the ones that I have talked to). I don't blame them though, there are English holiday's that I have never herd of. One just passed actually. It was yesterday, it was a day to remember the day that Guy Fawkes almost blew up parliament. So there are fireworks and apparently the have a bonfire to burn a fake Guy Fawkes. It's pretty interesting, but I had to much work to really participate in it.

That was a really random tangent.. Back to what I was saying..

My family. I cannot wait to see my mom and my brother and my dad. I can't wait to get special mom hugs. That's something that is really lacking in my life right now, the hug. I think it's something that a lot of us don't really do very much anymore and it's something that is really taken for granted. We should never underestimate the power of a hug. It can easily make everyone feel so much better. Ahh I can't wait to feel the love of my family. I think that's the thing I am looking forward to the most. Not Christmas, not seeing my friends, not the weather but just that love.

Music- Caged Animals- Girls on Medication

Who Do You Think You Are?

Turtle neck/ Sun Thrift See Through Top/ Vintage Hand-me-down Pants/ Sun Thrift Shoes/ Jeffrey Campbell

$up,
This look was kind of just thrown together. I am aware that none of it matches, but I actually really enjoyed that aspect of it. I wanted to wear this turtle neck that I had cut into a crop top, but I couldn't really find something to go with it. So I guess I just put on things that really didn't match. The pants are my favorite, they kind of fit me awkwardly because I am a little bit to tall for them, but I think that makes them even better. I like thrift clothes because not everything fits as it should, but I think some times it looks better that way. The see through top was my aunts in the 60s. She gave it to my mom, and then my mom gave it to me. I really love the way it looks, but every time I wear it, it makes me look like I am dressed up. I don't think this outfit would really be complete without this shirt though. The shoes I got in high school back when Jeffrey Campbell was big on the Floral Heels (These were my graduation present!). I don't really wear them that often, but I really do love them. They are a bit hard to walk it, but I think it's because the arch in my foot is a little bit higher than most.

I think I might be dying my hair a cool new color today.. It will be a surprise what color!


Music- Lately I have had some trouble thinking of songs to post. I want to post new music because I want this blog to be as current as possible, but as you can probably tell by my posts, I love old music. I think today I am going to post some Spice Girls. The Spice Girls have a soft spot in my heart. They were the first people I saw in concert when I was a young child. I love how they kind of are getting a second wave of popularity with the "hip" crowd. The Spice Girls- Who Do You Think You Are.

Sus

Shirt/ DIY cut crop top Skirt/ American Apparel Suspenders/ Hot Topic Shoes/ UNIF Cross Trainer Highs

$up,
The past couple days I have had many different thoughts going in and out of my head. I have been thinking a lot about moving, and I don't think I really have a fear about it anymore. I actually can't wait to leave. There is nothing for me at home anymore. When I think about moving I just get this warm excited feeling in my stomach, I feel like my adult life is going to begin when I move. However right now, I am still stuck here. While I am still here, I have been trying to spend as much time with the people I love, and do the things that I will miss the most about California, or just America in general. I have been thinking a lot about clothing as well, because I have to think about what I want to pack to move and what I want to keep here. What I have realized is, I don't have very many colorful articles of clothing anymore. I think thats annoying and I miss being super colorful, SO expect a bunch of color from me in the next couple of days!

A big thing that I have been thinking about is the content I post on this blog (Its always in the back of my mind). Someone on IFB pointed out to me that most fashion blogs post only OOTD posts and a lot of them get monotonous. I really agree but I think the blogs that I really like, it is because I personally like the bloggers and think they are interesting. So to me I like that they post OOTD looks, but they also post other things. Lately I haven't posted anything other than OOTD looks, so I think I want to post other kinds of content, so you (my readers) can get a better understanding of who I am as a person I guess. I have been reading a lot of other blogs and thinking of taking aspects of them that I really love and applying them to my blog. (My favorite blogs are under my blog roll page on this blog if your interested.) In the next couple days I am going to be posting a lot of other interesting stuff that have to do with fashion, but it wont necessarily be stuff that I am wearing. Please let me know what you think, I love feed back from my readers, because this is all for you guys!


Music- Phantogram- As far as I can See